I get really happy with the little things..
I wake up with purpose when I have a clear mind.
I hate repeating myself..
I can’t stand poor communication.
I need to work on my discipline..
I’m really good at showing my love..
unfortunately, I’m too analytical.
And I learned, that by caring too much – you only hurt yourself.
I’m having a really dark week.
And for some reason, it just got darker. Today.
I’m talking to God, something I don’t do often enough…and as this stream runs down my cheek, I’m praying, just for happiness.
I don’t know what else to pray for.
As you go through life, you seek answers. But when you go through a cycle that seems so vicious, and never-ending.. it just gets overwhelming.
I fight passionately, a lot. With people, family.. myself.
And sadly…I just feel like I’m done fighting, done trying to prove points.
I don’t know what else to say, or how to really feel.
I’m tired of defending myself, I’m tired of taking mental beatings.. at work.. in life.. from people I care about so deeply..
Everybody has an agenda. Everyone, no matter how close they seem, have their true opinions about you on the inside, whether they share them or not.
Usually, they wouldn’t – but their actions say it all.
I just don’t know what else to say.
For someone that has so many people around them,
I sure feel alone.
I constantly observe..
but my fear holds me back from seeing what’s right in front of me.
I don’t quite know what I see, but I know what I want to see.
I’m in denial of what others speak of, and actions speak loudly – however, words do have some sort of solidification..
I really don’t need any of that to justify how I feel ‘cuz one just feels what they feel you know.
Magic, frustration, cravings, fear of the unknown, happiness, dreams coming true, and completeness. Acceptance. A high that even non-drug users deserve to experience. I just can’t be alone in the feeling that I feel, I just can’t.
Sometimes in life, we rush what we should just enjoy.
Have you ever felt the world around you stop?
That’s how I feel everytime it’s just you and I; absolutely nothing else matters in those moments, except your lips on mine.. your touch.. smell.. and any words and laughter exchanged between us, my senses get heightened..
I think about how lucky we are, and giggle as I envision you and I, waving hi to the passerbys as they pass us by.. not knowing what it’s like to fly this high in the sky. Sucks to be them.
Now-a-days the smallest of things just seem to make me smile.
And as time continues on, I just keep wanting more.
Today I learned just how alone I really am.
The things I felt, were all illusions, hopes.
I can’t lie, or deny.. that something will be different now,
and I can’t promise that will change.
This is probably what I had feared most,
that I would re-live a memory unwanted.
How can one be so blind at the pain they are causing another?
Why risk causing it in the first place, and then have to live with the regret that you did?
I … am starring at the screen trying to figure out what to write next.
There is nothing left to write, there is only the memory of being treated
like a complete stranger.
I thought you were different.
What a nightmare this has all been, so much for new experiences.
WARNING: Chunk of heart on the escape, please return in one piece (it cannot afford any more wounds), prize for safe return – a chance at real love.
People really are fooled by what they see. It’s ridiculous how blind and stupid we can be sometimes. Applauding and praising those who are actually secretly: pedophiles, whores, rapists, abusive, cheaters, racists and worse. You think people have it together, everyone has their struggle – but whats to respect about that stuff? Do yourself a favour and stop just thinking everyone that “looks cool” is the shit, because you don’t actually know who they are – they may be the ones you despise the most.
When it was really dark, I couldn’t see…anything.
My vision was blurred, and I never thought I would get it back.
But I have, and I did.. and sometimes, when it’s dark you can’t fathom the idea of there being any light present, because you can’t physically see it.
But the light was there and now it’s shinning more than ever.
I am speechless.
Speechless speechless speechless.
Life is a traffic jam.
I can tolerate driving when the roads are clear, when I can cruise on the highway – not a care in the world.
I’m done with the streets that are constantly under construction, so I asked myself, why not simply take other routes? Or let someone else drive down those pain in the ass paths.
Fuck, I don’t even like driving anyway.