Love is undeniable.

It just.. goes,
It just knows, shit flows.
One look that says so many different things,
especially the one that makes you glow.
Before I was uncertain but now I know for sure,
And when you know.. well, that’s the beginning of something truly special
something that means so much more.
Conversations with your eyes – the best.
Mind fucking one another for fun
never giving it a rest..
Continuous adventure, commitment, and communication.
I played this hand carefully, even when a few tried to call my bluff..
It never worked ‘cuz my hearts been in it (and all of that juicy stuff).
Love is just one of those things
that truly is magical
and when you find the right one, each day gets more exciting and more..
We write the story and create our chapters,
those unforgettable moments.. our shared laughter.
My world is by far perfect,
but some things are incredibly great
So I’d thought I’d share a poem about my love
before life says it’s too late.


Free me, free yourself.

Have to “figure it all out”
Gotta be careful not to overspend, I am on a budget.. one that
seems to never go away..
Can’t eat too much of that thing, even though it’s sooo good..
Don’t wanna wear that dress it’s too showy, can’t give off the wrong impression..
Oops! I have to make sure I’m saying hello to my family every now and then, don’t wanna seem like I don’t care about people..
At what point did life become so.. so calculated?
It’s depressing how expensive it can be to live in a city like Toronto.
It pisses me off more than anything watching people count their calories and carefully calculate their daily intake, like who the heck wants to live like that??? Arghhh. Just shut up already, you look f**king good.
Girls are never happy with themselves, we are always trying to impress boys who don’t care to impress us. Families are interesting.. so many members to constantly keep up with, makes you wonder your place sometimes.
Money money money.. it’s just a nasty cycle chasing it, spending it, needing it.. chasing it, spending it, needing it..
“If heaven were a mile away.. would I pack up my bags and leave this world behind…?” <—(good song, food for thought)
Going through the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeee motions..deadly.
My head is going to frigging explode like, damn.

Day 1 – Vegan Challenge

So today was my official start day for this vegan challenge, and boy what a day it was! I hadn’t actually done my grocery shopping until today so for breakfast, I just ate oatmeal and had some fruit. Luckily I had that in the house. Oh, and I hate oatmeal by the way lol.. but I sure learned to love this real quick!
My experience at the grocery store was deadly.. how lost was I?! Going up and down the aisles, even with a list! Hahahaha
I bought greens I didn’t even know existed… and beans for days!
When I got home, I put together some concoction that ended up getting pretty soggy, and I don’t know what the hell I was thinking anyways with that combination of stuff. I ended up eating some kale and peppers that my mom put together the night before – phew! After a heavy duty work out today, I was starved and ended up eating a vegetarian Caribbean appetizer called Doubles, and had more of my concoction and carrots and hummus. I know this is boring me just listing my meals.. and I probably won’t do this everyday but I can’t believe how eye-opening this experience is for me already! It’s only day 1. People truly do make a huge sacrifice, and it takes a lot of knowledge about food to do the right cooking, blending, and grocery shopping. Even knowing the terminology is crucial. I learned about Tofu having various textures, and how to make it (more or less). With the assistance of my mom, I was able to prepare a delicious stir fry for tomorrow’s lunch, and now I have pretty much all the groceries I will need for my 7 days. 6 now! Woo hoo! It was not too hard sacrificing meat – today my main struggle was finding my way through the grocery store aisles and reading ingredients, etc. I guess the more experience with living this way of life, the easier it becomes.
Although I can’t say if I would adopt this lifestyle for good (I doubt it but who knows), I can say that I will take on a cleaner way of eating by implementing a lot of these things – I feel great.

7 Day Vegan Challenge

I’ve decided to try something completely out of my comfort zone.
In reading my favorite blog, I’ve come across an idea to try going vegan for 7 days! What a challenge!
I’m very excited, and have my girlfriend doing it with me, you should try it too:
Definitely a bit nervous, but from what I’ve read the key is variation.
Presently, I am reading up on animal cruelty and seeing if that will help me this week.
Veganism is about compassion for animals, healthy eating, and just ethics overall. Sounds pretty cool.
I do love my meat, but do I love it so much that I cannot make a sacrifice? No. And I’m pumped to learn new foods, and just see another way of life. I may love it, or hate it – either way, I’m up for the challenge. I e-mailed my vegan cousin, got my grocery list in check, and will be doing a lot of reading tonight. This thing is no joke. You need to do these type of things in life to gain different perspectives, and grow as a person. I personally don’t believe in knocking anything unless you’ve tried it.
Wish me luck! It begins tomorrow.

Murphy’s Law.

As much as a strong part of me wants to feel defeated, I cannot accept that.
I will not allow a shitty sequence of events ruin what I know is supposed to be a successful destiny.
As I recover and rebuild myself from shattered everythings, I will always remember the feelings that I never want repeated. This is so. fucking. hard.
Being on the ground, there is only one direction to look and that is up, right?

Cherry Pop!

Sometimes, there is no time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
You have to use that energy to be happy for those around you.

Tonight I was really about to start getting down on myself just because things haven’t been going that great… then I watched the video from my baby sister who made it in the TOP 4 IN ALL OF CANADA to get a potential spot on ET Canada Live, and the excitement quickly took over my spirits, so I mass texted quite a few people, started listening to her co-hosting on Calgary’s underground Hip-Hop radio station and just realized.. she truly is in a good place in her life right now, let me just use my energy positively by being thrilled for her instead of moping about my self-esteem issues.

It would make her dreams come true if she won! She REALLY deserves this – girl has a heart of gold.

Pointless. One day at a time.

I always thought it was other people who just don’t get it, but now I’m wondering if it’s just me.
I admit that I can be delusional at times, but damn it’s not like I want to be.
I care way too much man, almost like I’m the stupid one.
I keep saying that I see what’s right in front of me, but do I really?
Maybe I’m too confrontational and I should stop being that way.
Is it best to keep things to yourself and just observe from afar?  Or should I continue to voice my opinions… I don’t know.
I think I will take on a new method, see what happens.
I don’t even know who I’m close to anymore.
I think I need to let go of my expectations, for real this time.
I don’t know what kind of life that is to live but it seems it would be easier.
My eyes are wide open but my mouth is going to stay shut because trust me, no one wants to hear what I really have to say and at this point I’ve lost interest in sharing.
It’s going to be an interesting new year.

Trusting isn’t easy.

I believe that one day I will learn how to trust entirely, but it won’t come until I get over everything that anyone has ever done to me for me to lose it.
And I will have to watch people’s actions even more carefully.
Trust is so hard for me man, I don’t know how to explain it but it just is.
I almost feel like it’s such a dog eat dog world that … it’s impossible to have complete faith in others. Actions don’t add up to words.. people lie to your face.. some do deceitful things when they are upset.. one way one day, another way the next.
Betrayal occurs in so many forms.
I try to trust, but deep down inside I’m always questioning.
I want to let go of this feeling so I can finally be free and more relaxed, but.. I just haven’t been able to knock this…hopefully soon, I did say I wanted happiness.
I guess I’m afraid that trusting in others won’t give me that.
Gosh, I just want somebody – anybody to just prove me wrong.

MEN – Take it or leave it. Ladies, thank me later.

Guys, men, my fellow dude. Sometimes you are just so clueless, it really can be quite sad. So here, I’ve written a post for you to just GET IT. Step your game up a bit with the women in your life, you know?
My list of things that women adore. Big and small. PAY ATTENTION and implement. Trust me on this one, I would know. *laughs*

1) Make us feel like we are the only woman on the planet via usage of a lot of great compliments (by the way we know when you are being genuine and when you just want something) and spending a lot of quality time together. Mentioning other women, depending on the context can be a huge turn-off and does not make us feel like we are the only woman on the planet. Not making time or saying “I don’t have time” is such an excuse and does not make a woman feel special.

2) Pay attention to the small details (what we like, our favourite anything, our passions, quote things we’ve said) and don’t be afraid to refer to those details, it truly does show that you listen and care. For example: “I chose to take you to Bermuda because I know you have always wanted to go there since you were a little girl.” Or, “I got you this green jewelled bracelet because I know it’s your favorite colour.” “Hey, your eyebrows look good, you got them done today right?” Or, “You should really consider being a director for films because you are good at that kind of stuff, I see how you ran your school play; a career like that is perfect for your personality.” <;;;—- women LOVE when men pay attention to their passions.

3) Man up and take charge. No girl likes a guy who’s too care free and never makes a decision. Make sure you take control of situations and do things like picking the restaurant, pick her up at her house, pay for stuff before she even notices, plan romantic evenings. Nothing is sexier than a man that takes initiative and who doesn’t expect her to do it all.
That’s the difference between a man and a boy.

4) Women love a guy who is their friend, and boyfriend at the same time. Be there for her, listen to her venting sessions, and be both – not just one. A girl wants to feel that she can go to a guy that she likes, for pretty much anything. This also means having a good balance of treating her like one of the boys, and treating her as the woman she is – to you.

5) Be trustworthy, and show her that she has nothing to worry about. One of the biggest issues women have with men is that they are known to cheat (although times have drastically changed in this regard but that’s another blog post). Answer your phone around her, bring her around your family and friends. Social media, don’t hide her on it. Eyes on her only when you are out especially when she’s put so much work into her outfit, hair, make-up, etc. If she really is the one, don’t hide her, I don’t give a shit if you are a private person. Embrace your relationship. Show public affection – this one is huge for trust and making a woman feel important in your life.

6) Talk future talks with them if you feel they are a great catch. Nothing is more of a shitty feeling than a man who doesn’t entertain the idea of moving in together, potential marriage or kids with a woman they supposedly love or have been with for a long time.

7) Referring back to #1, making us feel like we are the only woman on the planet. This means sexually too. Do all the dirty stuff you would do with any other woman, with your woman. Don’t separate sexual activities, because first of all that’s boring. Secondly, there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to have whore sex with your woman, as well as girlfriend love-making. Women want it all – we want to feel wanted in every way, shape and form. Plus, it keeps it all spicy. Do everything to her and trust me, she’ll do the same.

8) Do stuff you wouldn’t normally do to show her that you are stepping outside of your comfort zones just for her. For example, if she loves flowers and you aren’t romantic, suck it up and get her some beautiful flowers for God sakes. Who cares what you like! It’s about making her happy. Besides, no one says you have to do that all the time.

What a guy!
What a guy!

9) Women love surprises. Do spontaneous stuff out of the blue. It keeps the relationship alive. Even if it is the smallest thing like going to Starbucks for a latte and sitting down to talk in an environment different than your home couch.

10) Ask her questions. It shows you care about her life.

11) Okay this one I’m not saying not to do, but keep in mind this: women hate when you have close girlfriends. Jealousy issues. Reason being, no woman wants to share her prized possession. I can’t say I disagree, I would die if my boyfriend had a best friend that was a girl, or someone he spent one on one time with on a regular basis. Remember, a large part of the population believes men and women cannot be friends – think about it.

12) Finally, take care of yourself and don’t get too comfortable. Women love a man who is well-groomed, smells good, fashionable, and is always trying to impress her in every way. Impressing a woman does not just come in the form of physical appearance, it also means the words that come out of your mouth and your actions. Don’t make her feel insecure, say ignorant remarks or insult her. That is a prime example of getting too comfortable. Always impress her, or else another man will while you’re too busy turning her off.

13) Oh yeah! Express how you feel. Use your words. Show emotion so she thinks that she’s “in” with you. Don’t be shy to tell her things that you wouldn’t normally say.

*I hope these tips help you men out there. For years I have come across many clueless men, whether it be those in my family or guys I have dated. I always thought to myself, damn us women are so easy to please. Many of you men beg to differ though. Here: Just do sweet shit, don’t cheat and don’t piss us off – gosh! What’s so hard about that? Hahahaha.
Happy dating.

Now, we are getting somewhere.

Life will never be perfect, and nor do I expect it to be.
But one thing I’ve realized that is really important, is how people handle situations that come their way.  Any situation.
What do you do? What will you say?  Do you face things, or walk away..?
That’s mostly how I judge ones character.
It’s really what determines a lot.
I do not expect anything to be perfect,
but I do expect communication with certain people to be easy.
Strong enough to survive life’s challenges.
Trust – it’s crucial.
Pain, unnecessary.
Communication is key.  Understanding is taking that communication to the next level.
But all of these are just words, words that mean nothing unless truly understood.
See now, we may just be getting somewhere.