Who knows anymore

I don’t know if it is less dangerous for me to interact with others, or more.
Today, aside from regular work interactions, I pretty much stayed in solitude. On the inside.
Everything was turning me off, including many of my close relations.
I spoke for show, not because I actually wanted to.
Actually, I didn’t want to.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m wasting my time with some people in my life.
You learn so much about people as life goes on.
And as I sit here not being able to sleep, I’m getting even more turned off at the idea of a lack of noticeability that something is wrong, on their end.

I have not blogged in a while on a personal note and I can honestly say it feels great, no matter what the content.
Bottling up feelings is really stupid in my opinion so I’m going to release them somehow.
I’m sitting here…it’s 1:30 am and my mind is “on” there’s no sleeping happening here.

Going back to that idea on if it is more dangerous for me to be in my own thoughts because even though I am sober, these thoughts are having a vicious snowball effect…not in a good way.

Are my expectations of people too high? I just don’t know. I keep playing around with that idea of letting go of all expectations but fuck it’s hard.

How do you define what true friends are? Or what real love is?
Can ‘true’ and ‘real’ still be true and real if they are only sometimes-ish?

Right now, there are so many unanswered questions and all I can say is I feel very alone.

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A different feeling

Life is full of surprises.
Crazy emotions..
Complicated situations.
Twist and turns,
Dreams…miracles..
Unexplainable reactions.
Journeys, like the one I’m taking right now.
Some things you can just be certain about..
Like the feelings I get,
All of them.
Deep in my mind lies all this crazy stuff
That’s just really hard to explain.
Let’s just say the past few days have been…eye-opening.

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Missing you already

We are different.
We have our differences.
We are similar.
We share our minds.
I pay attention,
So do you.
We surprise one another in the best of ways, always.
Closer we get each day.
Love, obvious traces everywhere.
Lost will be me when you are gone away.
Don’t go..
Please
Stay.

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