Healing my inner self

So much has happened in my mind over the last week or two. I must say I am mentally exhausted.
Life is a crazy series of events.
One day you are happy, the next you are in tears.
One day you are living a truthful content life,
The next you catch yourself answering a lie.
I’m trying to figure out what I want out of:
Love, friendships, family relationships, career, and health.
I’m trying to build habits and stick to them.
I’m trying to care less about certain things, and more about others.
I’m trying to be less emotional. Lower my expectations of people.
Overall, I just want to be a better person. Lighter in the mind.
The new year is coming and it’s all about goals and shit, but really I’m still seeking the same goal I’ve had forever and that is inner happiness.
I think I’m getting closer to figuring out what I have to do to actually get it.

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Just plain pooped

Being that it’s Halloween and my 1 year anniversary on WordPress as a blogger (yay!), I figured this may be a good time to write.. reflect, even.
I have actually been non-stop this week. Go go go!
Is this what life is like in the fast lane?
I feel like I’m in the process of learning 7 or more things at once and it’s insane – my brain is going to explode, literally. If I wasn’t in a meeting, I was preparing for one.. or listening to a podcast or researching, or at work, or travelling, or reading some book, or an article.. or planning.. or something..

A couple of “take-aways” (as my manager would say) this week:

-Opportunities wait for no one, either you are movin’ or you are loungin’.
-I love consulting, being consulted and consulting others
-This health & fitness trend came out of no where and I need to slowly get with the program or I’ll end up very unhappy with myself – or I just need to eat better (…right)
-People are moody
-I need some bit of structure in my weeks in order to get shit done
-I am a natural researcher
-I am able to skip sugar in my coffees, as a matter of fact I have the ability to cut coffee out altogether..
-People will waste a lot of your time, be careful
-I don’t prioritize enough
-Technology is very distracting, especially Smartphones
-Cold calling sucks
-I love dark nail polish
-Halloween is slowly dying out, adults go out more than kids have in the past few years
(I’ve seen more adults in costumes today than I seen kids on the street)
-Procrastination will kill ya, and so will the lack of a dream
-Don’t try doing too many things all at once. Nothing will get accomplished.
-I can really sell myself *not like that
-I can be overly analytical sometimes
-I live for adventures
-Life is always about “figuring stuff out” it’s on-going in some element

Wow, glad to get that all off my chest. It feels like a thousand thoughts are still floating around my head but for some reason I’m so pooped that all I can do is just stare at this screen while my thoughts linger..

My month long week

How many times have you asked yourself – why am I doing this?

Why does it seem like we ignore so many important facets of our lives, carrying on like there are other “priorities”?

More and I more, I’m starting to ask myself how much pleasure I get out of certain tasks and frames of mind.. and which things need to go.

All in life is a choice.

This past week has been great for me, I took some time to free my mind
And at least know what I don’t want, now it’s just about planning.
Actually, it’s about doing. There’s only so much we can plan.

I won’t be here for long.

caged bird

save me from this world I know, where expectations are so high
living the city life where nothing seems good enough
and misery comes over me from things not going my way
and a 9-5er gives you the excuse to be lazy and let yourself go
save me from this world I know where it all seems like a dead end
and my mood becomes controlled by something as minimal as not closing a deal
when did it get to this where everything seems to be so stressful, is that just.. adulthood?
bring me to that world that exists in the universe where everyone is so humbled and happiness means breathing or getting the chance to eat an ice cream cone with your friend
or even just.. the ability to be positive
some days I may seem ungrateful – other days it’s like screw it, this is the society we live in, we are all hungry for more and if you aren’t upset at your situation then you are too comfortable
But what I’m struggling with is, which individual would be happier?
‘Cuz that’s all I care about and want
save me from this mental torture of ups and downs, and fly me to my serenity
I guess I just have to.. save myself by not letting my thoughts get the best of me

cagedbird

Is any job really satisfying?

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More and more I realize how important it is to have inner happiness in your life, especially in a career.

Going through many job and career changes at such young ages have made me realize that the world is yours, and you truly have not only “a” choice, but you make the choice in your own path.

Every single day I watch people (including myself) hustling, busting their butts doing repetitive tasks in a redundant career with no growth that they are clearly unhappy pursuing.
They have no time for anything, and have to answer to people they don’t even like.. Have to socialize with people who don’t even dream and abide by stupid office politics.

When does it end? When do we get to do what we want, or have the freedom that we deserve, or get to make the kind of money that we are actually worth?

I’m on a quest to find out what different people that have aspects to the life that I want, actually do and I’m confident that it will all come together. I need to take some action, get some answers.

There is no way in hell life is just about some 9-5.

If some of us don’t do something now, life will pass us by and we’ll have regrets forever. I would rather at least try to create my own happiness than to just sit around watching others live theirs.

What does it mean to be close?

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Closeness is a deep understanding of another being.
It’s about moving forward on misunderstandings, and quickly.
It really begins when you are truly able to let that person in.
Closeness is about having a bond that does not die easily.
Friendships, love, family…
It represents utmost trust, honesty even when that person does not want to hear it, maturity.. recognition, and the ability to be happy for another being, even when you aren’t feeling it yourself.
A closeness is when smart people simply
don’t let each other down.

Free me, free yourself.

Have to “figure it all out”
Gotta be careful not to overspend, I am on a budget.. one that
seems to never go away..
Can’t eat too much of that thing, even though it’s sooo good..
Don’t wanna wear that dress it’s too showy, can’t give off the wrong impression..
Oops! I have to make sure I’m saying hello to my family every now and then, don’t wanna seem like I don’t care about people..
At what point did life become so.. so calculated?
It’s depressing how expensive it can be to live in a city like Toronto.
It pisses me off more than anything watching people count their calories and carefully calculate their daily intake, like who the heck wants to live like that??? Arghhh. Just shut up already, you look f**king good.
Girls are never happy with themselves, we are always trying to impress boys who don’t care to impress us. Families are interesting.. so many members to constantly keep up with, makes you wonder your place sometimes.
Money money money.. it’s just a nasty cycle chasing it, spending it, needing it.. chasing it, spending it, needing it..
“If heaven were a mile away.. would I pack up my bags and leave this world behind…?” <—(good song, food for thought)
Going through the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeee motions..deadly.
My head is going to frigging explode like, damn.

Day 1 – Vegan Challenge

So today was my official start day for this vegan challenge, and boy what a day it was! I hadn’t actually done my grocery shopping until today so for breakfast, I just ate oatmeal and had some fruit. Luckily I had that in the house. Oh, and I hate oatmeal by the way lol.. but I sure learned to love this real quick!
My experience at the grocery store was deadly.. how lost was I?! Going up and down the aisles, even with a list! Hahahaha
I bought greens I didn’t even know existed… and beans for days!
When I got home, I put together some concoction that ended up getting pretty soggy, and I don’t know what the hell I was thinking anyways with that combination of stuff. I ended up eating some kale and peppers that my mom put together the night before – phew! After a heavy duty work out today, I was starved and ended up eating a vegetarian Caribbean appetizer called Doubles, and had more of my concoction and carrots and hummus. I know this is boring me just listing my meals.. and I probably won’t do this everyday but I can’t believe how eye-opening this experience is for me already! It’s only day 1. People truly do make a huge sacrifice, and it takes a lot of knowledge about food to do the right cooking, blending, and grocery shopping. Even knowing the terminology is crucial. I learned about Tofu having various textures, and how to make it (more or less). With the assistance of my mom, I was able to prepare a delicious stir fry for tomorrow’s lunch, and now I have pretty much all the groceries I will need for my 7 days. 6 now! Woo hoo! It was not too hard sacrificing meat – today my main struggle was finding my way through the grocery store aisles and reading ingredients, etc. I guess the more experience with living this way of life, the easier it becomes.
Although I can’t say if I would adopt this lifestyle for good (I doubt it but who knows), I can say that I will take on a cleaner way of eating by implementing a lot of these things – I feel great.

7 Day Vegan Challenge

I’ve decided to try something completely out of my comfort zone.
In reading my favorite blog, I’ve come across an idea to try going vegan for 7 days! What a challenge!
I’m very excited, and have my girlfriend doing it with me, you should try it too: http://zenhabits.net/7dv/
Definitely a bit nervous, but from what I’ve read the key is variation.
Presently, I am reading up on animal cruelty and seeing if that will help me this week.
Veganism is about compassion for animals, healthy eating, and just ethics overall. Sounds pretty cool.
I do love my meat, but do I love it so much that I cannot make a sacrifice? No. And I’m pumped to learn new foods, and just see another way of life. I may love it, or hate it – either way, I’m up for the challenge. I e-mailed my vegan cousin, got my grocery list in check, and will be doing a lot of reading tonight. This thing is no joke. You need to do these type of things in life to gain different perspectives, and grow as a person. I personally don’t believe in knocking anything unless you’ve tried it.
Wish me luck! It begins tomorrow.

Pride, lies & those disgusting flies.

Some people fight for the things they want with an undeniable passion,
Other’s just watch them drift away.. day by day.

Some people take great pleasure in lifting others up positively through words,
While other’s enjoy putting people down, just to make themselves feel better.

Some people pay attention to detail, showing they truly care.
Other’s exhaust people by constantly having to be taught things that are common sense.

Some people can admit that they just don’t know it all and have a lot to learn.
Other’s think and act like they know so much, when their entire demeanour speaks differently.

Some people are humble beings and realize everything is not all about them,
While other’s chose to act like spoiled brats, and have egos so large they are blinded by selfish clouds.

Some people are there for you, ride or die because they want to be.
With other’s it only seems that way when shit is easy, oh! and when they want to “look good”.

Some people just make life worth living.
Fuck the others, they just have way too much pride.