Release

I just realized how long it’s been since I wrote in my blog.
Read my last entry and thought.. yup.. that’s pretty accurate to my current feeling.
A lot has been on the go, a lot has been on the mind.
Very excited about my new business venture which I will be promoting soon.
I pretty much talk about it all the time indirectly, hint hint.
Feel like I’m at a good place in my life…for the most part.
Life is interesting you know, puts you through situations that truly test your strength…test your direction. I am being tested and the truth is, I have no idea how I’m holding up.
As I sit here eating lots of candy I think to myself how important it is to fight for things that are important to you.
Business goals, life dreams, beliefs, love, values..
I’m saying many things I know yet not really saying anything at all.
Who cares, at least I know what I’m talking about.
The beauty of blogging.

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A Heart’s Challenge

I sit and dream
I sit and wait
I think and hate
on obstacles of my fate
I love I listen
I learn I try
a tear falls down
while time passes me by
I write I speak
I feel the heat
I feel it all
I feel it all..

Healing my inner self

So much has happened in my mind over the last week or two. I must say I am mentally exhausted.
Life is a crazy series of events.
One day you are happy, the next you are in tears.
One day you are living a truthful content life,
The next you catch yourself answering a lie.
I’m trying to figure out what I want out of:
Love, friendships, family relationships, career, and health.
I’m trying to build habits and stick to them.
I’m trying to care less about certain things, and more about others.
I’m trying to be less emotional. Lower my expectations of people.
Overall, I just want to be a better person. Lighter in the mind.
The new year is coming and it’s all about goals and shit, but really I’m still seeking the same goal I’ve had forever and that is inner happiness.
I think I’m getting closer to figuring out what I have to do to actually get it.

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A different feeling

Life is full of surprises.
Crazy emotions..
Complicated situations.
Twist and turns,
Dreams…miracles..
Unexplainable reactions.
Journeys, like the one I’m taking right now.
Some things you can just be certain about..
Like the feelings I get,
All of them.
Deep in my mind lies all this crazy stuff
That’s just really hard to explain.
Let’s just say the past few days have been…eye-opening.

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Free me, free yourself.

Have to “figure it all out”
Gotta be careful not to overspend, I am on a budget.. one that
seems to never go away..
Can’t eat too much of that thing, even though it’s sooo good..
Don’t wanna wear that dress it’s too showy, can’t give off the wrong impression..
Oops! I have to make sure I’m saying hello to my family every now and then, don’t wanna seem like I don’t care about people..
At what point did life become so.. so calculated?
It’s depressing how expensive it can be to live in a city like Toronto.
It pisses me off more than anything watching people count their calories and carefully calculate their daily intake, like who the heck wants to live like that??? Arghhh. Just shut up already, you look f**king good.
Girls are never happy with themselves, we are always trying to impress boys who don’t care to impress us. Families are interesting.. so many members to constantly keep up with, makes you wonder your place sometimes.
Money money money.. it’s just a nasty cycle chasing it, spending it, needing it.. chasing it, spending it, needing it..
“If heaven were a mile away.. would I pack up my bags and leave this world behind…?” <—(good song, food for thought)
Going through the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeee motions..deadly.
My head is going to frigging explode like, damn.

Purple Sugar.

Life is truly funny.
You think you know what to expect next, but.. you don’t.
I’m sitting here.. trying to think of poetic words to put together,
to express the way I feel..but there are no poetic words coming to mind.
All that’s coming to mind are the subtle hints of what we both know is there.
There is a reason why I do the things I do,
And feel the way I feel.
But there is no feeling like the one I get when I’m with you.
Period.
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Day 2 – Vegan Challenge

Day 2 of my Vegan challenge has been great!
This is so much easier than I thought. Well, not super easy but easier. It’s all a mental thing – you tell yourself you eat meat, then you will. You tell yourself that something else is your diet than your daily habits fall into place. This challenge is such a hit that my family now wants to go on a vegetarian diet! Glad I sparked something different and healthy for my family.
I was so close to eating Honeycomb cereal today! Eekk!
My cousin tells me there is a huge debate about Vegans and eating Honey-related products. I’m just going to push it all the way, may as well.
Eating cleaner feels great!

Realizations

Over the past week, I’ve realized a lot about myself – and others. I learned that my tolerance level is not the highest.
I learned that I can’t stand being copied in any way, actually wait…I knew that since grade 4. I realized that my closest friendships are with more strong-minded individuals. Makes sense. I learned I’m even more territorial than I thought, but more so very sensitive. I learned that I’m way too honest, and have a big mouth. I know how to keep secrets but when it comes to something bothering me, I really have to say something. I just can’t shut my mouth, and I have next to no filter so….when it comes out, it really comes out! Yikes!
I can’t explain the level to which I need to change this.
I have solid bonds with some, and others just still don’t get me yet and vice-versa which, I suppose is okay.. for now.
But what I learned the most over the past week is this: be mindful of other people’s feelings because when you truly care about certain individuals, their feelings should be your priority. Especially in a relationship sense. Nothing is worse than watching your feelings become secondary where they should be primary. At the same time however, it’s easier just to fuck with people who get you, accept you and love you.