Reoccuring dreams…

I wish I may I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight:
With all the stress and all those fights
Erase your existence from my mental sight.
I forgive I forgot, or so I tell myself often
I can’t dwell on you locked in
I don’t hate that you are him
I need closure I think I’m dying to reveal your sins
Don’t know if maybe I would feel that was my win…
Intense sexual energy gets someone’s heart broken,
Mine, hers – or maybe yours.
Either way I need these dreams to stop reoccurring,
So I can free my mind
and continue maturing.

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Lights On

I get really happy with the little things..
I wake up with purpose when I have a clear mind.

I hate repeating myself..
I can’t stand poor communication.

I need to work on my discipline..
and consistency..

I’m really good at showing my love..
unfortunately, I’m too analytical.

And I learned, that by caring too much – you only hurt yourself.

Quotes on self realization

Free me, free yourself.

Have to “figure it all out”
Gotta be careful not to overspend, I am on a budget.. one that
seems to never go away..
Can’t eat too much of that thing, even though it’s sooo good..
Don’t wanna wear that dress it’s too showy, can’t give off the wrong impression..
Oops! I have to make sure I’m saying hello to my family every now and then, don’t wanna seem like I don’t care about people..
At what point did life become so.. so calculated?
It’s depressing how expensive it can be to live in a city like Toronto.
It pisses me off more than anything watching people count their calories and carefully calculate their daily intake, like who the heck wants to live like that??? Arghhh. Just shut up already, you look f**king good.
Girls are never happy with themselves, we are always trying to impress boys who don’t care to impress us. Families are interesting.. so many members to constantly keep up with, makes you wonder your place sometimes.
Money money money.. it’s just a nasty cycle chasing it, spending it, needing it.. chasing it, spending it, needing it..
“If heaven were a mile away.. would I pack up my bags and leave this world behind…?” <—(good song, food for thought)
Going through the sameeeeeeeeeeeeeee motions..deadly.
My head is going to frigging explode like, damn.

Purple Sugar.

Life is truly funny.
You think you know what to expect next, but.. you don’t.
I’m sitting here.. trying to think of poetic words to put together,
to express the way I feel..but there are no poetic words coming to mind.
All that’s coming to mind are the subtle hints of what we both know is there.
There is a reason why I do the things I do,
And feel the way I feel.
But there is no feeling like the one I get when I’m with you.
Period.
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You & I…

newloveI constantly observe..
but my fear holds me back from seeing what’s right in front of me.
I don’t quite know what I see, but I know what I want to see.
I’m in denial of what others speak of, and actions speak loudly – however, words do have some sort of solidification..
I really don’t need any of that to justify how I feel ‘cuz one just feels what they feel you know.
Magic, frustration, cravings, fear of the unknown, happiness, dreams coming true, and completeness. Acceptance. A high that even non-drug users deserve to experience. I just can’t be alone in the feeling that I feel, I just can’t.
Sometimes in life, we rush what we should just enjoy.
Have you ever felt the world around you stop?
That’s how I feel everytime it’s just you and I; absolutely nothing else matters in those moments, except your lips on mine.. your touch.. smell.. and any words and laughter exchanged between us, my senses get heightened..
I think about how lucky we are, and giggle as I envision you and I, waving hi to the passerbys as they pass us by.. not knowing what it’s like to fly this high in the sky. Sucks to be them.
Now-a-days the smallest of things just seem to make me smile.
And as time continues on, I just keep wanting more.

Day 2 – Vegan Challenge

Day 2 of my Vegan challenge has been great!
This is so much easier than I thought. Well, not super easy but easier. It’s all a mental thing – you tell yourself you eat meat, then you will. You tell yourself that something else is your diet than your daily habits fall into place. This challenge is such a hit that my family now wants to go on a vegetarian diet! Glad I sparked something different and healthy for my family.
I was so close to eating Honeycomb cereal today! Eekk!
My cousin tells me there is a huge debate about Vegans and eating Honey-related products. I’m just going to push it all the way, may as well.
Eating cleaner feels great!

Adventures in Asia

So I’m still settling in from my trip to China, man what an experience!
I went with my incredible partner in crime.
I just want to touch a little bit on what I experienced there and what I took from the trip overall.
Firstly, I learned that many people are very ignorant towards what else exists in a world outside of their own. People were starring at me non-stop to the point where they 1: either thought I was a celebrity 2: wondered what the fuck is a coloured person doing in Guangzhou, China lol
In my Caribbean culture it is considered very rude to stare at people, so you can imagine my discomfort having everyone stare at me and not think twice about it. I mostly just starred them right back in their faces until I made them look away. I guess they never really see people with my type of mix down there, and funny enough they didn’t even believe I was from Canada! One guy was shocked that there was anything outside of white people over here LOL my gosh, I didn’t know the lack of knowledge was that huge in certain parts of the world, I guess cuz’ I’m used to having to learn about other cultures I figured other people had to too. WRONG! On a positive note however, I got tonnes of compliments, people thought I was stunning, and it felt nice to hear such sweet things thought of me. On another note, I learned sooo much about business and the value of money. Chinese people just don’t stop working, and the same goes for how they are in Toronto too – they are always the businesses opened late hours and on holidays when everyone else is sleeping. They never stop selling! In China, I was being sold everything left, right and center. They are professional negotiators – and they always start you at a price much higher, but they don’t do well with fear of loss so it’s not to hard getting things at the prices you want them at if you are smart about it. Just walk away and you’ll see. Things are dirt cheap out there, and in terms of the value of money I truly don’t even want to spend a cent up here now that I experienced what stuff actually costs. We were eating for two, drinks and all for like $4. Same shit up here costs like $20-$30! From what I heard though, prices up there have gone up! Wow, I can’t even imagine getting stuff cheaper than what I did. I got so much goodies, I’m set!
The weather out there was humid a lot of days, rainy some others. It was almost perfect as it was never too cold, and you were almost always comfortable in whatever you wore. The walking was ridiculous! I must have burned off every single calorie that entered my body and then some, every single day my feet were BURNING! But the massages out there were great.
In China they imitate EVERYTHING! Omg hahahahah I seen so many imitation brands it was hilarious. And the “black market” copy watch buildings was incredible, I can’t believe people spend $5,000 on watches up here that they can get exact copies of down there for like $30. EXACT COPIES. I seen a lottttttttt of buyers from all over the world. Smart people.
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On the food side of things, the street vendors were pretty delicious and so were the restaurants I tried, but to be honest I felt safest with the Halal meats.. let’s just say I smelt and seen some meats.. that had me gagging. Other than that however, I learned that their culture is very interesting, pretty aggressive, and I just love eating with chopsticks.
I hope to go back one day but not anytime soon, that trip was exhausting! But next time I do I’ll be a lot more prepared and pack a lot lighter! Most stuff you can just buy while you are there. I do want to see a lot more of China. Oh, and I would love to stay a night or two in Hong Kong, that place is absolutely gorgeous.

Pride, lies & those disgusting flies.

Some people fight for the things they want with an undeniable passion,
Other’s just watch them drift away.. day by day.

Some people take great pleasure in lifting others up positively through words,
While other’s enjoy putting people down, just to make themselves feel better.

Some people pay attention to detail, showing they truly care.
Other’s exhaust people by constantly having to be taught things that are common sense.

Some people can admit that they just don’t know it all and have a lot to learn.
Other’s think and act like they know so much, when their entire demeanour speaks differently.

Some people are humble beings and realize everything is not all about them,
While other’s chose to act like spoiled brats, and have egos so large they are blinded by selfish clouds.

Some people are there for you, ride or die because they want to be.
With other’s it only seems that way when shit is easy, oh! and when they want to “look good”.

Some people just make life worth living.
Fuck the others, they just have way too much pride.

7 steps backwards.

Today I learned just how alone I really am.
The things I felt, were all illusions, hopes.
I can’t lie, or deny.. that something will be different now,
and I can’t promise that will change.
This is probably what I had feared most,
that I would re-live a memory unwanted.
How can one be so blind at the pain they are causing another?
Why risk causing it in the first place, and then have to live with the regret that you did?
I … am starring at the screen trying to figure out what to write next.
There is nothing left to write, there is only the memory of being treated
like a complete stranger.
I thought you were different.
What a nightmare this has all been, so much for new experiences.


WARNING:
Chunk of heart on the escape, please return in one piece (it cannot afford any more wounds), prize for safe return – a chance at real love.

Light after the Dark.

When it was really dark, I couldn’t see…anything.
My vision was blurred, and I never thought I would get it back.
But I have, and I did.. and sometimes, when it’s dark you can’t fathom the idea of there being any light present, because you can’t physically see it.
But the light was there and now it’s shinning more than ever.