caged bird

save me from this world I know, where expectations are so high
living the city life where nothing seems good enough
and misery comes over me from things not going my way
and a 9-5er gives you the excuse to be lazy and let yourself go
save me from this world I know where it all seems like a dead end
and my mood becomes controlled by something as minimal as not closing a deal
when did it get to this where everything seems to be so stressful, is that just.. adulthood?
bring me to that world that exists in the universe where everyone is so humbled and happiness means breathing or getting the chance to eat an ice cream cone with your friend
or even just.. the ability to be positive
some days I may seem ungrateful – other days it’s like screw it, this is the society we live in, we are all hungry for more and if you aren’t upset at your situation then you are too comfortable
But what I’m struggling with is, which individual would be happier?
‘Cuz that’s all I care about and want
save me from this mental torture of ups and downs, and fly me to my serenity
I guess I just have to.. save myself by not letting my thoughts get the best of me



Make yourself happy.

For the past month so much has gone through my mind.  I left a career I thought was going to “be it” for me.  I really bought into an idea, which, at the end of the day turned out to be something I didn’t even want.  I was told I wanted something and being the lost puppy I was, figured hey, I guess I do want that.  Or at least now I have something I can tell people I’m working towards.  It made me feel better to be a part of something.
I was chasing money, really.

You can chase money all you want, but at the end of the day you will never be 100% happy with JUST that.  I’m not saying money doesn’t buy happiness ‘cuz shit, it buys me a lot of things that make me very happy lol.  Clothes and trips to name a few hehehe.  But really (and I’ve always felt this way inside since I was a little girl), there has to be more.  Whether that be having a person to spend it with,  doing something you are actually passionate about, or working towards an end goal that means something to you.

I’m writing this entry because for the past month I have had a lot of thoughts.  Thinking I’m a winner, I’m a quitter, I’m lost, I’m rejuvenated.  Feeling stressed and the happiest I have been in a while all at the same time.  I applied for jobs and planned for businesses that I have no credentials or qualifications for.  I just wanted to feel productive so I went to job fairs, signed up with staffing agencies, thoroughly researched business ideas that I’ve been sitting on.  Being that deep down I knew this whole time I didn’t want to work for somebody else in the long run,  I felt even more lost because I did not want to move downhill and applied for jobs I ended up turning down!  Let’s refer to my posting titled “It’s a total mentality shift” for a second: here I go thinking things had to be a certain way, and this was so wrong.
A good friend told me recently that I just had to change the way I was thinking about the situation and that this would change everything.  She was right.

Yes it’s good to have goals and expectations for your life, but man – the key is to first know and be sure of what it is that you want. Or at least have a good enough idea, otherwise you are just aimlessly wandering around in life, vulnerable as ever.  For a while I ignored my strengths, passions, things that excited me.. and what a dumb move that was.  I have finally understood myself for the first time in years.  Many years I went confused for no reason; I had a reality check.

Job hunting and trying to get my career in order has made me realize the following:
1) my worth
2) that there is always a price to pay for every great opportunity
3) that money is not everything at first because if you love something that much (not only will you be willing to do it for free but), you can’t help but be good at it and since it will make you happier you can become highly productive and thus, be in a position to create greater profits
4) lastly, not to waste your time doing something if it has NOTHING to do with what you are working towards when you can be gaining expertise somewhere else


I am so thankful for my last work experience, it has built my character and skills tremendously and truly opened my eyes.  Finally, I am ready to start a new adventure and I am very excited.

Life is not so bad after all.