Reoccuring dreams…

I wish I may I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight:
With all the stress and all those fights
Erase your existence from my mental sight.
I forgive I forgot, or so I tell myself often
I can’t dwell on you locked in
I don’t hate that you are him
I need closure I think I’m dying to reveal your sins
Don’t know if maybe I would feel that was my win…
Intense sexual energy gets someone’s heart broken,
Mine, hers – or maybe yours.
Either way I need these dreams to stop reoccurring,
So I can free my mind
and continue maturing.



A cold dark space.

In times of need, in times when you really need people –
You start to realize that the ones you consider close to you..
well, just aren’t as close as you thought.
Opening my eyes,
Opening my ears
To my reality.
A cold dark space – frigid as hell I laid there uncomfortable.
This goes out to those who never cared enough to offer me a warm place.
I mean that literally, and in other ways.
I can’t force people to care to the level I do or did, for them.
It’s sad,
and it actually breaks my heart..
that those people won’t see it until it’s too late.
But in times of desperate need, the blurred becomes clear.
Turns into tears,
Turns into stillness
Turns into


Dr. Pepper

I woke up..body feeling numb, heart included.
My mind instantly racing the minute I opened my eyes..sleepless nights, sleepless mornings, replaying everything, every word..every action..
And I can’t help but torture myself at the wonder of why you would put me through that.
Not why you would.. but why you did.
Who takes away the best thing they give somebody?

Free my mind.

This week seems to be more difficult for me than most weeks for some reason.
I’m just in one of those horrible moods.  You would think, my birthday being a day or so ago, that I would be ecstatic..  not the case.   I have realized a lot in less than 5 days.
I have pretty high expectations for people, and when they are not satisfied I get super frustrated and aggravated.   Is it bad to have such high expectations for people I wonder…  But why not?  You have to set the bar high in life, no?
Nothing is more disappointing than when someone you care about lets you down, especially when you are expecting them to really come through, and they don’t.  When they think they did something great and in your eyes, it’s like.. reallyYou think you did something special?  Why didn’t you do more? I would have.

Next, I’m also having some issues with the idea of people who supposedly “care about you”, being able to block stuff out.  When two people have a falling out, whether it be friends or a couple, how is it not on their mind until it’s resolved?  If they truly do care?  I have huge problems with this.  I think that if someone can block something out that easily, that they really don’t care about the other that much.  If they did, they would have to resolve it to be at peace.  It’s my opinion anyway.

Am I wrong? Or are my expectations of people too high? I really want some comments on this one, because my bad mood lately has been due to people not meeting my expectations and then getting let down.  Does it mean these are just the wrong people to have in my life, or am I just over-analyzing?

|not numb yet but getting there|