Careful observation.

To arrive at a good place within, it begins with looking at ourselves. Our actual selves.
Mindfulness is something we don’t think about often enough;
Being aware of who we are, how we act and come off to others…
How we may sometimes thrust our opinions on others..
Sometimes we are the problem, and when we aren’t – sometimes we just need to shrug things off.
Life is not really that serious.
We need to open our minds to what’s out there, or in front of us.
Hold on to the genuine souls around you.
Be less irritable, less emotional, less dissatisfying to be around.
Just enjoy people, and moments.
If you aren’t growing more each day, you aren’t living life to your highest potential.

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Healing my inner self

So much has happened in my mind over the last week or two. I must say I am mentally exhausted.
Life is a crazy series of events.
One day you are happy, the next you are in tears.
One day you are living a truthful content life,
The next you catch yourself answering a lie.
I’m trying to figure out what I want out of:
Love, friendships, family relationships, career, and health.
I’m trying to build habits and stick to them.
I’m trying to care less about certain things, and more about others.
I’m trying to be less emotional. Lower my expectations of people.
Overall, I just want to be a better person. Lighter in the mind.
The new year is coming and it’s all about goals and shit, but really I’m still seeking the same goal I’ve had forever and that is inner happiness.
I think I’m getting closer to figuring out what I have to do to actually get it.

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A cold dark space.

In times of need, in times when you really need people –
You start to realize that the ones you consider close to you..
well, just aren’t as close as you thought.
Opening my eyes,
Opening my ears
To my reality.
A cold dark space – frigid as hell I laid there uncomfortable.
This goes out to those who never cared enough to offer me a warm place.
I mean that literally, and in other ways.
I can’t force people to care to the level I do or did, for them.
It’s sad,
and it actually breaks my heart..
that those people won’t see it until it’s too late.
But in times of desperate need, the blurred becomes clear.
Anger
Turns into tears,
Turns into stillness
Turns into
Resentment.

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A different feeling

Life is full of surprises.
Crazy emotions..
Complicated situations.
Twist and turns,
Dreams…miracles..
Unexplainable reactions.
Journeys, like the one I’m taking right now.
Some things you can just be certain about..
Like the feelings I get,
All of them.
Deep in my mind lies all this crazy stuff
That’s just really hard to explain.
Let’s just say the past few days have been…eye-opening.

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Missing you already

We are different.
We have our differences.
We are similar.
We share our minds.
I pay attention,
So do you.
We surprise one another in the best of ways, always.
Closer we get each day.
Love, obvious traces everywhere.
Lost will be me when you are gone away.
Don’t go..
Please
Stay.

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Birthday love.

This year was a humbled birthday.
Spent with only those I truly care about.
As I get older I care less about going out, spending lots of money..and being out in the cold.
This year my birthday was filled with love, and just being in the present moment. Taking it in.
Chinese food, desserts, champagne, thoughtful words, beautiful surprises.
My family, my friends, my love.
Exactly what I wanted.

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Forcing my discipline.

Life is all about change, it’s about discovering.
It’s almost my birthday, and that idea does not phase me one bit. I have no desire to celebrate per-se.. and I’m barely thinking about it. This isn’t my usual plan-in-advance dinner outing and then party afterwards year.
As a matter of fact I have temporarily stopped social smoking, and practically dropped social drinking for the mere reason of practicing resistance. I am almost a month strong, and I did that because I just wanted a cleanse. I figured once I accomplish something to be proud of I can treat myself if I want to, and who knows maybe after that I may not even want to.
I want to prioritize a healthy me but more importantly on a more focused me. I have joined the gym and so far have been consistent and it’s great. I don’t want to be one of those people admiring what others have from afar when I have the means to get it all myself. The body, the success, that overall happiness.
I like where things are going… and with projects under way, the road is looking clearer. Or, at least more exciting. Finally.

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Just plain pooped

Being that it’s Halloween and my 1 year anniversary on WordPress as a blogger (yay!), I figured this may be a good time to write.. reflect, even.
I have actually been non-stop this week. Go go go!
Is this what life is like in the fast lane?
I feel like I’m in the process of learning 7 or more things at once and it’s insane – my brain is going to explode, literally. If I wasn’t in a meeting, I was preparing for one.. or listening to a podcast or researching, or at work, or travelling, or reading some book, or an article.. or planning.. or something..

A couple of “take-aways” (as my manager would say) this week:

-Opportunities wait for no one, either you are movin’ or you are loungin’.
-I love consulting, being consulted and consulting others
-This health & fitness trend came out of no where and I need to slowly get with the program or I’ll end up very unhappy with myself – or I just need to eat better (…right)
-People are moody
-I need some bit of structure in my weeks in order to get shit done
-I am a natural researcher
-I am able to skip sugar in my coffees, as a matter of fact I have the ability to cut coffee out altogether..
-People will waste a lot of your time, be careful
-I don’t prioritize enough
-Technology is very distracting, especially Smartphones
-Cold calling sucks
-I love dark nail polish
-Halloween is slowly dying out, adults go out more than kids have in the past few years
(I’ve seen more adults in costumes today than I seen kids on the street)
-Procrastination will kill ya, and so will the lack of a dream
-Don’t try doing too many things all at once. Nothing will get accomplished.
-I can really sell myself *not like that
-I can be overly analytical sometimes
-I live for adventures
-Life is always about “figuring stuff out” it’s on-going in some element

Wow, glad to get that all off my chest. It feels like a thousand thoughts are still floating around my head but for some reason I’m so pooped that all I can do is just stare at this screen while my thoughts linger..

My month long week

How many times have you asked yourself – why am I doing this?

Why does it seem like we ignore so many important facets of our lives, carrying on like there are other “priorities”?

More and I more, I’m starting to ask myself how much pleasure I get out of certain tasks and frames of mind.. and which things need to go.

All in life is a choice.

This past week has been great for me, I took some time to free my mind
And at least know what I don’t want, now it’s just about planning.
Actually, it’s about doing. There’s only so much we can plan.

I won’t be here for long.

caged bird

save me from this world I know, where expectations are so high
living the city life where nothing seems good enough
and misery comes over me from things not going my way
and a 9-5er gives you the excuse to be lazy and let yourself go
save me from this world I know where it all seems like a dead end
and my mood becomes controlled by something as minimal as not closing a deal
when did it get to this where everything seems to be so stressful, is that just.. adulthood?
bring me to that world that exists in the universe where everyone is so humbled and happiness means breathing or getting the chance to eat an ice cream cone with your friend
or even just.. the ability to be positive
some days I may seem ungrateful – other days it’s like screw it, this is the society we live in, we are all hungry for more and if you aren’t upset at your situation then you are too comfortable
But what I’m struggling with is, which individual would be happier?
‘Cuz that’s all I care about and want
save me from this mental torture of ups and downs, and fly me to my serenity
I guess I just have to.. save myself by not letting my thoughts get the best of me

cagedbird