What do you when you’ve lost a friend..
Not just any friend. Someone who many times, often felt like your only friend…
Truth is, there is nothing you can do… except,
live your life in the way you know would best keep their spirit around.
Happily. Humbly. Adventurously. Rebelliously.
I can still hear your laugh – that laugh that could make anyone laugh just by hearing its’ sound.
It’s going to be a tough year, but you gave me more than enough in our unique friendship for me to be at peace right now.
Each day of my life gets more intense with its’ learning lessons…
I have realized how difficult dealing with people really is; Even more difficult however, is dealing with myself and my inner thoughts.
Sometimes, I just don’t know what to do anymore, aside from write.
I learned lately that you just can’t be right all the time, it’s actually quite exhausting.
I’m surrendering to the high-road. Perhaps it’s the only way to free myself.
I talk a lot about this concept of “freeing myself” – I still have not figured this path out yet… It’s a daily struggle. I think it has something to do with forgiveness.
I get really happy with the little things..
I wake up with purpose when I have a clear mind.
I hate repeating myself..
I can’t stand poor communication.
I need to work on my discipline..
I’m really good at showing my love..
unfortunately, I’m too analytical.
And I learned, that by caring too much – you only hurt yourself.
I don’t know if it is less dangerous for me to interact with others, or more.
Today, aside from regular work interactions, I pretty much stayed in solitude. On the inside.
Everything was turning me off, including many of my close relations.
I spoke for show, not because I actually wanted to.
Actually, I didn’t want to.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m wasting my time with some people in my life.
You learn so much about people as life goes on.
And as I sit here not being able to sleep, I’m getting even more turned off at the idea of a lack of noticeability that something is wrong, on their end.
I have not blogged in a while on a personal note and I can honestly say it feels great, no matter what the content.
Bottling up feelings is really stupid in my opinion so I’m going to release them somehow.
I’m sitting here…it’s 1:30 am and my mind is “on” there’s no sleeping happening here.
Going back to that idea on if it is more dangerous for me to be in my own thoughts because even though I am sober, these thoughts are having a vicious snowball effect…not in a good way.
Are my expectations of people too high? I just don’t know. I keep playing around with that idea of letting go of all expectations but fuck it’s hard.
How do you define what true friends are? Or what real love is?
Can ‘true’ and ‘real’ still be true and real if they are only sometimes-ish?
Right now, there are so many unanswered questions and all I can say is I feel very alone.
How can it be possible that something man-made can compete with something completely natural?
Or can it?
When did life become so rigid?
I think, I feel, and I want to say: it’s all pretty stupid…
But hey, that’s just my free-spirited opinion.
Have you ever felt vigorously trapped and beautifully free – simultaneously…?
I’m not sure if I’m cool with total strangers knowing my whole life story through social media.
At first I thought Facebook was too much, so I got rid of it – but now, people from all over the world can not only follow your life through imagery but can save your personal pictures to their phones and hard drives via Instagram.
One thing becomes cool but on a flip side can be very dangerous.
What do we do when we want to keep up with the times, but more importantly want to remain a private person? You almost get caught up posting bullshit when you join these things.
It’s almost impossible to do both.
I mean, when did it become cool for everyone to know all of your business?
Check this out, I read it not too long ago – the video is creepy!
To arrive at a good place within, it begins with looking at ourselves. Our actual selves.
Mindfulness is something we don’t think about often enough;
Being aware of who we are, how we act and come off to others…
How we may sometimes thrust our opinions on others..
Sometimes we are the problem, and when we aren’t – sometimes we just need to shrug things off.
Life is not really that serious.
We need to open our minds to what’s out there, or in front of us.
Hold on to the genuine souls around you.
Be less irritable, less emotional, less dissatisfying to be around.
Just enjoy people, and moments.
If you aren’t growing more each day, you aren’t living life to your highest potential.
So much has happened in my mind over the last week or two. I must say I am mentally exhausted.
Life is a crazy series of events.
One day you are happy, the next you are in tears.
One day you are living a truthful content life,
The next you catch yourself answering a lie.
I’m trying to figure out what I want out of:
Love, friendships, family relationships, career, and health.
I’m trying to build habits and stick to them.
I’m trying to care less about certain things, and more about others.
I’m trying to be less emotional. Lower my expectations of people.
Overall, I just want to be a better person. Lighter in the mind.
The new year is coming and it’s all about goals and shit, but really I’m still seeking the same goal I’ve had forever and that is inner happiness.
I think I’m getting closer to figuring out what I have to do to actually get it.
Life is full of surprises.
Twist and turns,
Journeys, like the one I’m taking right now.
Some things you can just be certain about..
Like the feelings I get,
All of them.
Deep in my mind lies all this crazy stuff
That’s just really hard to explain.
Let’s just say the past few days have been…eye-opening.
We are different.
We have our differences.
We are similar.
We share our minds.
I pay attention,
So do you.
We surprise one another in the best of ways, always.
Closer we get each day.
Love, obvious traces everywhere.
Lost will be me when you are gone away.